She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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