If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
