Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
