Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
