I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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