I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
