You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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