My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
did you just send me my own nude
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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