Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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