I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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