Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
