I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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