Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
