Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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