I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
