He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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