Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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