My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
