before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize