You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
