Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
