Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
