And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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