I just threw up on my dentist
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
