Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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