I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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