I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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