Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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