so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
