Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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