p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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