I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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