Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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