Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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