So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
