I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
