I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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