Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
