How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
