ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
