I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
