Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
