and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
