shes about as inviting as chlamydia
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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