He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
