I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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