Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
