I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
