note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you win again, gameday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
