Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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