just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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