This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
