I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
