i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They took my balls.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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