my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
