I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
