My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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