Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
