I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
