i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
