When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
