so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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