the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
