I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
