sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
