Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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