Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
