the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
