he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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