Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
